


Phoenix Rising

by brightclam



Category: The Get Down (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pacific Rim AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-06-17 12:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15461289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightclam/pseuds/brightclam
Summary: Even in a world beset by Kaiju, Dizzee feels like an alien.(thizzee pacific rim au)





	1. to drift or not to drift?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm unable to complete my multitudes of unfinished fanfic bc my inspiration keeps dying so i'm hoping posting things may help. Anyways, I rewatched pacific rim recently and felt the need to write this au. 
> 
> tw for this chapter: death of a side character, graphic descriptions of violence, blood
> 
> I know nothing about coding so I apologize for my probably incorrect use of it

\--------

 

 

Dizzee closes his eyes against the blue light washing over them. He can hear Zeke shift next to him, making the joints of his suit grind slightly. Faint chatter comes over the radio, but not enough to be understandable. Dizzee is enclosed in a cocoon of peace; everything outside it is faint and far away. He needs to focus.

 

 

He tries to calm the swirling colors of his thoughts, corral and quiet them. It’s hard, and his peace starts to slip away. He can feel sweat slipping down his forehead and fogging up the sleek glass of his helmet. His jaw clenches, and he’s dangerously close to grinding his teeth. His mind only feels more wild than it did when he started.

 

 

His failing sense of peace is shattered completely by the operator’s voice over the radio:

 

 

“Drift in one minute. You guys ready?”

 

 

Zeke answers yes instantly, with complete assurance. Dizzee almost says no but bites his tongue. He never feels ready, even when they’ve given him hours in the suit trying to calm his mind. So he just nods and waits for the drift to hit. It swirls around him like a hurricane of blue and purple, sucking his mind up into it  through the cables connected to his helmet.

 

 

It doesn’t hurt. In fact, it feels like home. The turbulent neon waters of the drift wrap around his thoughts and they fit just right together. He lets himself sink into it, chanting the reminder: don’t go down the rabbit hole.

 

 

Then the drift brings him and Zeke together and everything turns into shrieking agony. Zeke is dyed the thousand colors of Dizzee’s mind, staring into Dizzee’s soul with eyes too glazed to process what he’s seeing. Then he opens his mouth and screams, screams, screams; he screams loud enough that Dizzee’s can’t hear the comforting hum of the drift, he screams so loud that he tears himself to shreds, so loud that Dizzee is burning alive---

 

 

Dizzee is back in his body, with the sweat and the headache and the heart that’s beating too fast. He tears his helmet off and sees Zeke lying limp on the floor of the practice room, his eyes panicked and pained. Dizzee kneels at his side, guilt growing in his chest and choking his throat. The door flies open and Ra rushes in to check on Zeke, careful hands pulling off the helmet and searching for the pulse under his chin.

 

 

Dizzee stays kneeling as Ra assures him that Zeke is fine, just shocked, until Commander Fuerte’s voice booms through the small practice room:

 

 

“Dizzee, I’m sorry. You know how dangerous drifting is. We can’t keep risking pairing you with people who you aren’t compatible with. If you can find someone who’s compatible, then you can try again. But for now, you’ll have to stay on the support crew.”

 

 

Dizzee wants to scream that he knows; he can see the damage his mind has done lying in front of him. But he also wants to ask, plaintively, why is this happening? Why does his mind do this? Is there something wrong with him?

 

 

He doesn’t say any of that, he just shoves the questions down and nods. 

 

 

“I understand, sir.”

 

 

Zeke is sitting up now, and he looks at Dizzee with his soft, exhausted eyes.

 

 

“It’s okay, Diz. It’s not your fault.”

 

 

Dizzee can’t quite believe that, but he puts on a fake smile and replies:

 

 

“I know.”

 

 

Dizzee leaves, and they let him. He’s headed down the hallway, hoping to shelter in his room and process what’s just happened, when Shaolin pushes his way out of the observation booth. Dizzee stops and gives him his attention. Shaolin grins in a pained, miserable way and slumps against the grey wall of the hallway.

 

 

“I feel you, my alien brother.”

 

 

Dizzee winces slightly at the use of the word alien; with the arrival of the Kaiju, aliens are somewhat of a sore spot. But he understands what Shao means, and he appreciates it. Like him, Shao shows all the signs of being an amazing Jager pilot. But they just can’t find anyone who can drift with him without getting their mind shredded. Zeke, despite his childhood trauma, is easy to drift with. They had both hoped he might be the answer they were looking for, and they were both disappointed.

 

 

Dizzee appreciates not being alone, and steps closer to clasp hands with Shao.

 

 

“Thanks, man. I’m gonna go rest.”

 

 

Shao nods and turns back to the booth, shouting over his shoulder:

 

 

“You know you can always come to me if you need anything, Diz!”

 

 

Dizzee nods and flees for the quiet of his room. He needs to process this most recent failure. He needs to shower the sweat off and try and erase some of the guilt,  too.   
  


 

\------

  
  


Ra and Boo have coaxed Dizzee into going out into town with them, trying to distract him from the latest failed drift. 

 

 

Dizzee feels the Kaiju coming before he sees it’s snarling head rear up behind the skyscrapers of the skyline. Its heavy footfalls shake the earth, sending the crowd around them into high alert. Maybe once, the shaking would have been mistaken for small earthquakes. Not now, when the whole world knows what a Kaiju attack feels like. Ra, Dizzee and Boo are instantly alert, dropping their few shopping bags and hands clenching, wishing they had weapons to grasp. The crowd around them hunches, ready to hide, their heads swiveling to search the skyline like hunted prey animals.

 

 

Then, the Kaiju roars, the terrifying noise echoing off the tall buildings and overlapping until it’s muddled and more alien than before. The crowd around them begins to shift, people searching for the nearest Kaiju shelter. Dizzee and his brothers are a tiny island of stillness, standing stock still and just waiting. Their fear is controlled by their training, but in its place is dread. They have no Jaegers, no way to get back to base. For all their training, they are just as likely to be killed as the civilians around them.

 

 

The Kaiju’s head rears, showing it’s rolling blue eyes and snarling blue fangs to the frightened crowd. They begin to run and scream, headed for the shelters. Ra quickly pulls Boo and Dizzee up against the side of the closest building, very aware of how many die in stampedes during Kaiju attacks. They should really be heading to safety as well, by they are all hypnotized by the Kaiju heading towards them.

 

 

Maybe it’s because they so desperately want to be able to fight the Kaiju, despite being separated from their Jaegers. Maybe it’s because they need to see what’s going to happen. Maybe they want to make sure there really is a Jaeger coming to stop the Kaiju. Whatever it is, they stay pressed against the building as the civilians stream past them and just watch.

 

 

The Kaiju has a long snout bristling with teeth and jagged, wickedly curved horns sprouting from the back of it’s head. That’s all they can see of it over the buildings. It’s heading straight for them, taking down skyscrapers as it moves, so they’ll get a better look at it soon. Or hopefully they won’t; best case scenario, it’s killed before it gets any closer. But so far, its just methodically making its way through the city unopposed. Boo whispers, voice shaking slightly:

 

 

“Where are the Jaegers?”

 

 

There’s two Jaeger bases in New York, someone should have been here by now. Suddenly, Ra’s radio crackles to life and he hurriedly digs it out of his pocket. Zeke’’s worried voice comes through the static:

 

 

“Ra? Come in!”

 

 

“We’re here Zeke, we have eyes on the Kaiju. What’s going on?”

 

 

“That new coding we did to speed up the release of Jaegers? There’s a bug. We were troubleshooting to fix it when the Kaiju attacked. None of our Jaegers can get out. North base is sending one, but most of their Jaegers are currently in need of repairs. Phoenix Rising is their only active one at the moment. Until we get the coding issue worked out, Phoenix will be on their own.”

 

 

Ra curses under his breath.

 

 

“Okay, Zeke, are you in the booth?”

 

 

“Yes. I’m with Jackie, he’s trying to fix the coding error.”

 

 

“Okay, I wrote some of that code. If you can read me some of what you see on Jackie’s screen, maybe I can catch the bug.”

 

 

Zeke begins reciting a string of code, but another sound begins to drown him out. It’s a rapid, earthshaking thudding, too quick to be the Kaiju. The monster turns,  splattering toxic blue spit across the buildings, and faces the Jaeger charging it from behind. Boo cheers and pumps his fist in the air excitedly:

 

 

“It’s the Phoenix Rising!”

 

 

Ra looks up, but doesn’t stop listening to Zeke. Dizzee smiles at the Jaeger racing toward the Kaiju, but can’t help but worry. They can’t see what class the Kaiju is, but it looks huge. Phoenix Rising is the only active Jaeger right now, will they be able to stop the Kaiju on their own?

 

 

The Jaeger and the Kaiju meet with a tremendous thud. Phoenix wraps their arms around the monster, trying to use their momentum to wrestle it down. For a moment the Kaiju wavers, and looks like it might fall. But then it’s third pair of legs shoot out, grasping the skyscrapers next to it to stay upright. Boo gasps, and Dizzee feels his heart drop in agreement.

 

 

Phoenix can take the monster down and gain the advantage, but the skyscrapers will go with it. They all know there hasn’t been enough time for the people in them to evacuate. The Phoenix hesitates, arms still wrapped around the snarling Kaiju, and Dizzee knows the pilots are thinking the same thing. At this point, it’s a personal dilemma; some pilots would take the Kaiju down, arguing that killing the Kaiju and preventing it’s ramage from continuing is worth the sacrifice. Others would refuse, unable to bear the weight of intentionally causing those people’s deaths. Dizzee doesn’t judge pilots for how they choose, but he desperately hopes the Phoenix will choose the latter.

 

 

They do; the Jaeger unwraps it’s arms and leaps back as nimbly as a giant robot can. By the time the Kaiju has regained its feet, the Phoenix is ready. It’s pulled a giant hammer from it’s back---making Boo gasp appreciatively---and set its feet in a defensive position. Dizzee has never seen this Jaeger before, south base and north base don’t communicate often, but it looks like it knows what it’s doing.

 

 

It Kaiju roars and snaps before leaping at the Phoenix, trying to drive it’s curved horns into the Jaeger. The Jaeger dodges easily and slams the hammer down on it’s neck as it passes by. The hit rings loudly through the air, but doesn’t seem to do any damage. The Kaiju coughs and shakes its head but moves just as easily as it had before. 

 

 

The Phoenix moves with more grace than any Jaeger Dizzee had ever seen, making it easier to strike at the Kaiju’s weak spots. But despite the focused hits and massive weight of the hammer, the Kaiju isn’t slowing. Boo sighs next to Dizzee, chewing his fingernails nervously.

 

 

“I recognize the Phoenix now.”

 

 

There’s a dread in his voice that wraps around Dizzee and squeezes, making him sweat with fear.

 

 

“What’s wrong, Boo?”

 

 

“They’re an experimental Jaeger. They’re supposed to fight in combination with their sister Jaeger. The other Jaeger has weapons meant to break open the Kaiju’s shells, allowing the Phoenix to do crushing damage once that shell’s broken. But the Gorgon was damaged in an accident of the coast and is nonfunctional. I don’t think the Phoenix can win this alone, she’s just not made for this type of fighting.”

 

 

Dizzee feels his fingernails dig into his palms with empathetic terror. Those pilots are fighting a losing battle and they know it. He throws a look back at Ra, hoping for good news, but Ra just shakes his head and keeps checking code. Dizzee’s attention is snapped back to the fight when Boo yells, terror clear in the sharp noise. Dizzee looks back just in time to see the Kaiju gore the Phoenix in the thigh, sending warped metal spilling to street level like blood.

 

 

The Phoenix writhes, twisting free and leaping back the best it can with the injured leg. The jump brings the Phoenix dangerously close to where they’re hiding, and Boo flinches back instinctively. Ra’s jumble of code breaks off suddenly and he yells, breathless:

 

 

“Guys, we need to leave!”

 

 

A bit of torn building buries itself in the road in front of them. His brothers start to run, but Dizzee is frozen. The hammer is knocked of the Phoenix's hand and falls on a building to the right of where Dizzee is hiding. The impact almost knocks him off his feet. His brothers scream at him to come with them, but all he can see is the clawed hand of the Kaiju burying itself in the Phoenix’s head.

 

 

Dizzee hears an agonized scream; whether it was real or he imagined it he can’t be sure. A rain of shredded metal and Kaiju spit falls around him as he watches the Jaeger above him twitch and spark. Then, with a groan of over stressed metal, the Phoenix begins to fall. It’s so close and so huge that Dizzee heart almost stops, and he hears his brother’s screams reach a crescendo.

 

 

The Phoenix lands, too close for comfort, but not quite close enough to hurt him. A wave of dust and debris hits him, turning the world into a muddle of grey. He looks back, but he can’t see Ra or Boo. He looks forwards; there looms the hulk of the Jaeger, the Kaiji perched above it like a bird of prey. The monster’s eyes glow even in the clouded environment, but what really catches his eye in the lights flickering inside the Jaeger’s torn open skull.

 

 

The comforting blue of the cockpit flickers, red warning lights flashing, but it’s mostly intact. Dizzee hears a shout behind him, but he runs away from the safety of his brothers. There may be someone still alive in the Jaeger, and he’s not going to leave them to die. He clambers up the torn metal and reaches the cockpit, stepping onto the tilted floor. Sparks shower down and he flinches back.

 

 

Something moves in the cockpit; a figure in white armor. The helmet, while functional, is shattered in places. Though one of the cracks, Dizzee sees a bright blue eye staring at him. The eye is glazed with shock and grief, but he still feels it staring into his soul. One of the pilots is alive!

 

 

He looks at the other pilot’s slot and almost collapses. The other pilot is certainly dead; she took one of the Kaiju’s claws right through the chest. She still hangs from the drift wiring, her helmet flashing warning indicators. Dizzee winces and looks back at the living pilot; that explains the shock. He must have felt her die.

 

 

The pilot in white moves, a jerky, helpless movement that isn’t quite finished. But he reaches out to Dizzee, fingers shaking. He can’t tell whether it’s a plea for help or a warning, but Dizzee takes the hand. The armor is cold and slick, oil marring it’s smooth surface, but the grasp of the hand remind Dizzee that the pilot is real. 

 

 

There’s a terrible crunching above them; the Kaiju is proceeding to rip the defenseless Jaeger apart. The noise shakes Dizzee out of his trance and he begins tugging on the wires holding the pilot into his slot. 

 

 

“Let’s get you out of here.”

 

 

Before he can get far, the pilot tugs on his arm, his grip suddenly painfully tight. His other hand lands on Dizzee’s chest, armored fingers tapping against the radio pinned to his jacket. The pilot speaks, voice raspy from screaming but still filled with determination.

 

 

“You’re from north base.”

 

 

Dizzee understands that the man is in shock, but they don’t have time to talk!

 

 

“Yes, I am, but we have to leave.”

 

 

Dizzee reaches for the wires again, but the man tugs his arm back. He’s struggling to stand, and he stares Dizzee in the face. Despite the snarling of the Kaiju and the shrieking of the wounded jaeger, Dizzee feels himself calm and stop as the man looks at him. The pilot has a light in his eyes, something angry and burning and ready to fight until the end.

 

 

“Are you a pilot?”

 

 

“I am, but---”

 

 

The man cuts him off:

 

 

“Then drift with me.”

 

 

Dizzee freezes. He throws a look at the other slot, wondering if the man is delicious, but the vital parts of the dead pilot’s suit are still functional. The Jaeger could still get a drift going, but the Jaeger isn’t the issue; Dizzee is. Especially in this pilot’s weakened state, trying to drift with someone incompatible could kill him.

 

 

“I can’t, my compatibility...”

 

 

The pilot huffs, his eyes closing and exhaustion showing for a moment.

 

 

“They’ve told you your mind could kill, haven’t they? I don’t care. I have a job to do, and I can’t fight this Kaiju on my own. I’d rather die in a drift gone wrong than let it tear my city apart.  Please, drift with me.”

 

 

Through the hole in the Jaeger, Dizzee can see figures emerging from the clouds of dust. His brothers look frantically for him, yelling his name. In Dizzee’s head, he knows what Ra would think about this: it’s a dumb idea, proposed by a complete stranger who’s probably in shock. But he listens to the Kaiju mangling the Jaeger above them and imagines that monster unleashed on the city, the idea seems much less dumb. He looks in the other man’s wild, determined eyes, and feels the same sort of desperate bravery come over him.

 

 

He grips the armored hand back before striding over to the dead pilot, struggling to pull her helmet and gloves off. She slumps down once the wires are no longer holding her up and Dizzee tries to ignore her as he slips the armor on. The helmet flashes angrily at him, but he quickly resets the drift system. Once he’s got the helmet and gloves on and fixed the boots into the slot, he turns back to the other pilot.

 

 

“Okay. Are you ready to drift?”

 

 

The pilot nods, bracing himself. Dizzee takes a deep breath, tries not to think about how badly this could go, and hits the button. The blue takes him again, more violent and confused than usual because of the damage of the equipment, but still as welcoming as always. Dizzee sinks into it, cherishing the peace before it bring his mind together with the stranger’s. He tries to prepare himself for the shrieking and agony that always comes.

 

 

The drift brings their minds together, but there’s no pain, no screaming. Dizzee feels something dark, something thrashing with grief that wants to pull him under, but he can recognize it’s not his own thoughts. He remembers the dead pilot and he knows exactly where the grief is coming from. 

 

 

Beyond the grief, the drift seems calm.

 

 

He looks down and sees himself dyed in warm colors; pinks and oranges, reds and yellows. When he looks up he sees the other pilot covered in the colors of Dizzee’s mind; blues and purples. This is his first time fully seeing the other pilot, and he’s slightly surprised by his appearance. Long blond hair flows over his shoulders, and despite his delicate features, he’s broad shouldered and well muscled.

 

 

They meet eyes, and Dizzee wants to say something, but finds he doesn’t need to. The other man smiles at him, and Dizzee can feel his joy curling inside his own skull, both foreign and familiar at the same time. He can tell which thoughts are his and which aren’t, but they all feel natural, like they belong inside his mind.

 

 

_ We’re drift compatible. I can’t believe it! _

 

 

The other pilot---Thor, the drift supplies---thrums with gladness, images of death by drift flashing in their shared mindscape. Dizzee flinches, his gladness combining with Thor’s. However, the bloody images quickly disappear and are replaced by equally terrible thoughts: cities in ruins, Kaiju tearing them to shreds, the death tolls being counted on a screen. Dizzee flinches harder, mind twisting away from the shared thoughts.

 

 

_ We need to fight. _

 

 

Without Dizzee noticing, his mind is slipping into the limbs of the Jaeger. Dizzee has had plenty of training, but Thor’s experience is probably helping smooth over his mistakes as well. Dizzee can feel their shared mind fill the Jaeger, both left and right. Thor flashes determination and a more complex thought:

 

 

_ It’s on top of us. Should we try and knock it off? _

 

 

Dizzee’s mind flips through the damage done to the Phoenix, which is severe. The injured leg is non functional, and the Kaiju is chewing closer to the core reactor every minute. They don’t have time for a long fight; they could blown up soon. An image-memory flashes in his mind; the hammer, falling.

 

 

Thor picks up on the image and then they’re reaching to the side, grasping over the ruined buildings to find the handle. Their body rocks with the Kaiju, still shredding it’s abdomen, and they struggle to grasp the hammer once they reach it. Thor snarls and Dizzee feels his own teeth digging into his lip, their individual frustrations merging into a firestorm of anger.

 

 

Dizzee closes his eyes and focuses, trying to sink deeper into the drift. It clears their mind and he can feel their fingers close around the metal of the hammer’s handle. They strain to lift---

 

 

The hammer is broken. The handle snaps completly and the hammer topples back to the ground, leaving them only holding the jagged metal spike of the broken handle. Dizzee can feel despair bloom in Thor, black and blue like an old bruise. Dizzee tries to separate himself from the feeling; he isn’t giving up yet.

 

 

The Kaiju bites again, and this time their remaining leg goes dark. The entire lower half of the Jaeger is nonfunctional; even if they could stand, the dead weight would make it impossible to fight properly. Dizzee tries to think through the malfunction that sparks through their systems like programmed pain and looks at the handle still in their hands. He struggles to turn their head to look up at the Kaiju on top of them, a plan forming slowly.

 

 

The thought is already in Thor’s head and he looks too, trying to figure out if it will work. But they don’t really have any other option, so they decide at the same time to try. They grab the Kaiju with their empty hand, using its horns as a handhold to keep its head still. It thrashes and snaps at their wrist but it can’t break free fast enough. They bring the broken handle up and, with all the power left in the failing Jaeger, slam it through the Kaiju’s eye socket.

 

 

The Kaiju shrieks, blue blood flooding down it’s face and spattering the Jaeger further with the toxic material, but is definitely dying. The shrieking of metal tearing stops, leaving only a faint hissing as the Kaiju blue begins to eat through the metal. Dizzee’s mind is moving slow and sluggish with the adrenaline of the fight leaving him. Thor is thinking slow too, and together they float in their shared exhaustion. Whatever had driven them to continue fighting is gone now that the Kaiju is dead.

 

 

Dizzee lies cradled in the drift system’s wires, his mind wrapped up in Thor’s. They’ve drifted so perfectly he no longer feels like they are two people. They are one cohesive whole. He’s never felt it before, but he’d heard about the high of drifting, of being more than yourself. Part of him wonders how he’ll live when Thor and him leave the drift. Will he ever feel as complete as this again? Or will there be a huge, Thor shaped hole in his mind?

 

 

Maybe that’s why jaeger pilots get along so well---how do you dislike someone who has become part of your mind?

 

 

Dizzee is so deep in the drift  that he’s paralyzed, content to wait for the Kaiju blue to drip through the cracks in the Phoenix and burn them alive in a bloody acid rain. Thor is stuck too, curled too deeply into Dizzee to worry about the reality of their situation.

 

 

Then Ra runs into the cockpit, Boo craning his neck in behind him to look with worried eyes. Ra feels achingly alien against the blue tinged contentedness of the drift and they recoil from him. Ra, an unstoppable juggernaut of rationality, looks Dizzee in the eyes and begins ripping their wires to shreds. Dizzee shrieks; as they're torn apart, so is the drift. Thor becomes patchy and begins to fade. The drift leaves and Dizzee feels like half of him is filled with drooling, dripping emptiness. He feels like he could drown in the wave of sorrow he feels.

 

 

Ra is snarling something righteously angry and unintelligible. He reaches for Dizzee’s helmet, lifting the last wires from his head, and Dizzee collapses into the darkness.

 

\------


	2. reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of death, being disowned by family

\--------

Dizzee stands in another gray, lifeless corridor. It’s familiar in design, but otherwise it’s unfamiliar enough to set him on edge. North base and South base may be constructed exactly the same, but Dizzee doesn’t feel at home here. The personal around him haven’t been impolite, per se, but they are calmly and completely stonewalling him.

 

He sighs and walks back into the room he’d just left. The secretary looks up, her customer service smile falling slightly at the sight of him. She knows his face by heart by now, just as she knows to brace for his complaining when he shows up. He feels bad for pestering her but he doesn’t know what else to do. He steps up to her desk, giving her an embarrassed smile.

 

“Are you sure I can’t see him?”

 

She rolls her eyes.

 

“Believe me, if they would have changed government policy in the past five minutes, I would have let you know.”

 

He sighs, smile dropping, and struggles not to snap at her.

 

“How can I possibly hurt anyone by visiting him?”

 

She drones out the same explanation she has the last three times he’s asked:

 

“In victims of drift damage, being around factors that induced the harmful drift and make it---”

 

“---harder for them to recover.” finishes Dizzee. “You’ve told me. But he’s not even awake yet! He won’t know I’m there!”

 

She has quickly tired of his complaining and is only half paying attention to him, focusing on scribbling on a piece of paperwork instead.

 

“Sir, I’ve told you everything I can. You have two options. You can leave a message, or you can leave.”

 

Dizzee groans and pulls a chair up to her desk.

 

“Fine, I’ll leave a message.”

 

The secretary clicks a button on her computer, setting it to record, and goes back to ignoring him. Dizzee shifts uncomfortably in his seat and begins to speak. 

 

“Hi, Thor. This is Dizzee. I don’t really know what to say here. Um...We don’t know each other, except we do, because of the drift. So I just wanted to say...Thank you for drifting with me, and I hope you heal quickly.”

 

Dizzee gets up and nods to the secretary before leaving. He’s frustrated and angry, and he hates being in this place. He wants to go back to the base that he knows. He wants to complain to Zeke and his brothers until he’s worked through all the angry energy he’s built up. But most of all, he wants to know that Thor is okay.

 

\----------

 

Barbara walks into work, setting her purse down with one hand and keeping her phone next to her ear with the other. She rarely gets to talk with Holly and she’s not losing this call to some dumb secretary work. When she looks up, she groans, cutting off Holly’s rant about her stupid, no good boyfriend.

 

“Holly, hang on. He’s back.”

 

“He?”

 

“Yeah, the one I told you about, who keeps leaving messages for one of the patients. I swear he’s left fifty by now!”

 

Holly giggles, tinny through the phone.

 

“C’mon, I think it’s sweet!”

 

Barbara sighs as she walks over to the door to let Dizzee in.

 

“It’s less sweet when you’re the one who has to help him record them all. Hang on.”

 

She mutes the call and gives Dizzee a tired smile as she opens the door for him.

 

“Hey Dizzee.”

 

“Hey Barbara. You know why I’m here.”

 

“Of course.”

 

She sets up the recording and returns to her call as he starts to speak.

 

“Hi Thor, it’s Dizzee again...”

 

She sighs, biting a painted nail, and whispers to Holly:

 

“Man, I hope he gets an answer soon.”

 

\-----------

 

Dizzee strains, stretching out with his whole body to reach the last bolt without falling off the ladder. The pesky metal paneling on the Jaeger’s leg has been popping off and he’s screwing it back down, again. He’s just barely an inch away from getting it, but he can’t stretch any further. He’ll have to get down and move the ladder over. He sighs, letting his forehead thump against the cool metal of the Jaeger. He’s tired enough that he should just quit, but he wants to finish it.

 

He may or may not be taking his frustration out on the stubborn piece of metal.

 

There’s been no response from Thor for almost a month. Dizzee is beginning to doubt he’ll ever get one. 

 

He’s angry at not being able to see Thor and he’s angry the doctors for not being allowed to tell him if Thor is okay or not and he’s angry at Barbara just for being there and doing her job. But most of all, he’s angry at himself. He knows the drift damage probably wasn’t his fault, but he is still beginning to blame himself.

 

He’s trying to fight off the negativity by only focusing on fixing the metal plate, but even that is frustrating him now! He stays slumped against the Jaeger for another moment, gritting his teeth, before he finally starts the long climb down the ladder. He’s halfway down, totally focused on not dropping the wrench or losing his footing, when someone on the ground clears their throat.

 

Dizzee looks down, expecting one of his brothers, or maybe Shao.

 

Thor stands there, perfectly still against the controlled chaos of the work bay. He’s got his hands tucked into a long, fur lined coat, and his blonde hair flows free around his shoulders. Dizzee had only seen him like this before in the drift. He’s clean and uninjured, looking up at Dizzee with a slight smile and his blue eyes dancing.

 

The wrench tumbles out of Dizzee’s fingers and falls, making Thor jump to the side to get out of it’s way. He laughs, brushing a strand of hair that's fallen into his face back, and looks back up at Dizzee.

 

“Sorry, did I startle you?” 

 

Dizzee is too busy running the rest of the way down the ladder to respond. Once his feet hit the ground he freezes; he still can’t believe this is really happening! He was beginning to think Thor was a dream, an illusion, a figment of his imagination. But now he’s here, a real, solid person standing in the cold light of the repair bay. Dizzee stalls for time to think of something to say by picking up the wrench he’d dropped.

 

“It’s fine, no harm done.”

 

An awkward silence falls, and Thor shuffles nervously. Dizzee wants to say something, but he’s still busy taking in every detail of the other man. The way his eyes shimmer in the light, the golden color of his hair, the countless rings on his fingers, the paint splatters on his jeans. Finally, Thor breaks the silence:

 

“I, um, got your messages.”

 

The spell he’s holding over Dizzee breaks and he laughs.

 

“All of them?”

 

Thor shrugs and looks down, smiling embarrassedly. 

 

“At first the doctors wouldn’t let me, but once I convinced them...yeah. I watched them all. Knowing someone was still thinking of me, was still hoping I could heal, helped me alot. I don’t what I would have done without them, honestly.”

 

Dizzee is shocked and overjoyed to hear the messages were well received, but something about what Thor just said bothers him.

 

“You mean no one but me was waiting for you?”

 

Thor shrinks into himself, sadness replacing the embarrassment. Dizzee almost wishes he hadn’t brought it up. 

 

“Not really. My parents and I aren’t on good terms, and Carmen was my only close friend.”

 

Dizzee is shaken by a wave of sorrow for a moment, memories aren’t his arising from what he can remember of the drift. Carmen, the co pilot, the woman with the claw through her chest. He closes his eyes, pushing down the grief that is only partially his.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Thor sighs, some of his sadness seeming to recede.

 

“It’s okay. But that’s part of the reason I’m here today, other than to thank you.”

 

Dizzee tilts his head, confused. He can’t imagine what Thor needs to talk to him about, but he finds himself feeling hopeful. He wants to know Thor better, and maybe he feels the same?

 

“Will you be my copilot?”

 

Dizzee is shocked speechless, a rare occurrence. That was about the furthest thing from what he was expecting, so far away that he doesn’t have the slightest idea how to respond. He’s been drift incompatible for so long, he’d become resigned to the fact that he’d most likely never be a pilot. But here’s Thor, by some cosmic power, not only compatible but he wants Dizzee to be his copilot. Thor, obviously anxious about asking, starts speaking nervously to fill the silence:

 

“Um, I guess that’s kind of a big commitment, now that I think about it a little more. Especially since you haven’t been an active pilot before, but I’ve never drifted as completely with anyone as I did with you, so I thought---”

 

Once Dizzee has enough brain power to form a sentence back, he interrupts Thor’s rambling by blurting out with no warning:

 

“I would love to!”

 

Thor stops, mouth still half open, as if he had been expecting to have to convince Dizzee to accept. They spend one more moment in a nervous, flustered silence, before Thor shrugs.

 

“Cool!”

 

Dizzee grins, squatting to put the wrench back into his toolbox.

 

“I’ll have to ask commander Fuerte for clearance, of course, but it shouldn’t be a problem. In the meantime, you want to get lunch or something? I’ve been working all morning.”

 

“Sounds wonderful! This is my first time on south base, so maybe you can show me around?”

 

Dizzee leads the way to the mess hall, glancing at Thor over and over again. He’s still having trouble believing that this is happening, but Thor is undeniably real. He walks next to Dizzee with a confident stride and bright, curious eyes taking in the unfamiliar base. Dizzee feels excitement beginning to take over the surprise: yes, Thor is real, and he’s going to be Dizzee’s copilot. The realization finally sinks in and he practically skips down the hall, Thor grinning at him, equally overjoyed by finding each other again.

  
  


\-----------


	3. reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally finishing this one out! I've made an accompanying edit that you can see here: https://brightclam.tumblr.com/post/184765421333/thizzee-pacific-rim-au-edit-i-made-to-accompany-a
> 
> hope you enjoy!

Dizzee paces in a circle around his small, military standard quarters. He moves in a hurricane of nervous movement, and in the eye of storm is Zeke, sitting perfectly calm in the middle of the room. He straddles the chair Dizzee had slid over to him and just watches. Dizzee sighs and finally stops, turning to zeke pleadingly.

“Come on Zeke, you’ve got to help me.”

Zeke watches him patiently, but there’s a hint of amusement to his smile.

“I don’t know what you think I can do. You’re the one with a painfully intense crush on your copilot.”

Dizzee buries his fingers in his hair in frustration and collapses onto his bed.

“Not helping, Zeke.” 

Zeke sighs and shifts on the chair, turning to face Dizzee where he’s settled down.

“Okay, let’s go through the facts. You have a crush on Thor. You and him are good friends. You don’t know if he returns your feelings. Why don’t you just ask him?”

Dizzee groans and buries his head in his pillow.

“I’m not going to ask him! The awkwardness would kill me, and it might ruin our friendship. I’m not risking it.”

Zeke raises an inquiring eyebrow and asks:

“So your plan is just to suffer through it?”

Dizzee crosses his arms defensively, feeling judged despite Zeke’s careful nonchalance.

“Yes, that’s my plan.”

Zeke shrugs, unbothered.

“If you already made up your mind, I don’t know why you needed to ask me about it.”

Dizzee curses and buries his face in his hands.

“Because I may not be able to hide it anymore! We share everything when we drift, there’s no way I can hide the crush from him when he’s literally inside my mind!”

Zeke props his head up on his hand and considers that.

“Yeah that would be a problem. So what are you going to do about it?”

Dizzee gestures helplessly and doesn’t respond.

Zeke smiles comfortingly at him and stands up, coming over to put a hand on his shoulder.

“Look, Dizzee. It sounds like he’s going to find out about it no matter what you do. You guys will work it out, you’re good friends and good pilots. So don’t worry so much, okay?”

Dizzee sighs and tries to force himself to relax.

“You’re right. Thor is a good friend, he’ll understand. The worst that happens is he says he’s not interested and we move on. I just need to not worry about it.”

Zeke pats him on the shoulder and smiles proudly.

“There you go! So when do you guys drift next?”

Dizzee groans, not wanting to think about it.

“Tomorrow.”

Zeke grins and puts a positive spin on it:

“Well, at least it will be over soon!”

\------

Dizzee stands in the loading bay, helmet held under his arm. His fingers fidget across it’s sleek surface, tapping out a random pattern. He’s trying to hide his nervousness and only halfway succeeding. Not that he needs to hide anything right now; the techs working on the jager’s head around him don’t even give him a passing glance. They have their work to focus on, with little to no interest in the jager pilot waiting for his copilot.

Speak of the devil; Thor comes through the door. He’s slightly messy, with his collar askew and his hair falling out of his ponytail to frame his face. His pants slightly for breath, tired out from running up the stairs, and his lips are distractingly pink. He makes Dizzee’s stomach flip, a wave of anxiety and attraction combining in his chest to form longing. Thor pulls his jacket off, revealing jager armor underneath, and apologizes:

“Sorry I’m late. You ready for this, Dizz?”

He joins Dizzee in the pilot’s slots and reaches over, clasping Dizzee’s hand in a friendly hello. The skin contact makes Dizzee feel like he’s buzzing, about ready to burst out of his skin. Dizzee forgets how to speak for a moment and the silence stretches out until he manages to fumble a response:

“I’m always ready, Thor.”

Thor grins, his blue eyes dancing before they disappear under the visor of the helmet he slips on. He blinks a couple of time before nodding to Dizzee, his voice coming through their radio tinnily.

“Then let’s do this.”

It’s a simple training exercise; they are to suit up, exit the base, and meet up with a jager called Scarlet Shrike, whom they will accompany out to sea where they can battle each other without causing collateral damage. The only difficult part is Dizzee’s unrequited crush being put on display for Thor through the drift. Though, hopefully he can keep that from happening. It’s doubtful, but he’s clinging to hope.

The techs gather their tools and exit the cockpit, leaving Thor and Dizzee alone. They begin plugging themselves into the jager; fixing their boots into the floor slots, plugging the drift wires into the back of their helmets and checking that all systems are operating normally. Dizzee flexes his fingers, watching the holograms flicker around his hand in a swirl of blue and yellow.

Once they’re all plugged in, Dizzee clicks an external radio link on, speaking to the monitor room. 

“Opera Alien reporting ready, sir.”

Thor flashes Dizzee another brilliant grin and confirms:

“Ready to drift, command.”

Dizzee screws his eyes shut, the anxiety rising to a terrible crescendo as he waits for the drift to hit. Mentally, he tries to push his crush down as far as he can before his mind is sucked up into the blue of the drift. It’s almost impossible to do when Thor is right next to him.

He opens his eyes slowly, almost fearfully. He sees Thor, dyed the sunset colors of his mind, smiling at him gently. Then he feels it, so heavy that it feels like a punch to his chest: love. It’s strewn through the drift, pulsing and woven throughout every inch of their connection. For a moment he thinks it must be him, his crush bleeding through just as he feared. But it’s impossible; his crush was strong, but not this strong.

Thor has stayed silent, just watching Dizzee with that sweet smile on his lips. Dizzee realises suddenly, like being hit by a train: the love is so strong because they are both feeling it. His feelings aren’t unrequited, far from it. Thor’s feelings for him are so strong that they color every part of the drift. 

Dizzee stay silent another moment, and then begins to laugh. Thor giggles, and then joins him, and suddenly they’re falling all over each other with laughter. Dizzee manages to gasp out:

“We’ve been idiots, haven’t we?”

Thor shakes his head, hair flowing around his shoulders with the movement.

“I think we have. I’ve been crushing on you practically since we met.”

Dizzee facepalms, at a loss for words.

“Me too! Do you know what this means?”

Thor sobers slightly, looking unsure.

“What?”

“It means I love you, silly!”

Thor fumbles for a moment, a blush spreading over his cheeks.

“Oh! I love you too, Dizzee.”

There’s a long silence as they gather themselves. Dizzee feels all the anxiety lift, leaving him feeling like his chest has been filled with bubbles. He’s so happy he almost can’t stand it. But he wants to be absolutely certain where they stand, so he asks:

“So, are we boyfriends then?”

Thor jumps, twirling one of his bangs around his finger shyly.

“I would love to be.”

Dizzee sighs happily, and they fade out of the drift and back into the jager’s cockpit. There’s the quiet chatter coming through the radio from the monitor room and the few squeaks and creaks of an operating jager. He looks over to Thor, meeting eyes through the tinted visors of their helmets. Thor is grinning the same lovestruck smile Dizzee can feel on his own face. Dizzee reaches over and takes Thor hand, even though he can’t feel his skin through their armored gloves.

“Opera Alien reporting drift and ready.”


End file.
